“You will nev­er touch me again.”

! TW: sex­u­al abuse, trauma

“EMDR ther­a­py has been incred­i­bly intense, but yes­ter­day I final­ly had a break­through. It took me about 6 weeks to final­ly access the mem­o­ry of my sex­u­al abuse with­out imme­di­ate­ly hav­ing a pan­ic attack, but we got there.

I need­ed to affirm for myself that my abuser no longer has any con­trol over me. The wounds have to drain out before they can heal. I need­ed to real­ly feel what hap­pened to me. That’s why I got inspired and picked up my art sup­plies again.
Dur­ing this ther­a­py jour­ney, I fol­low my dopamine and just do what my brain tells me will bring healing.

Mak­ing this piece has been real­ly affirm­ing and con­sol­ing to me.

As for the use of col­or: the yel­low and orange tones sym­bol­ise my girl­friend, who has been there for me through my heal­ing and always makes me feel safe. This safe­ty and sta­bil­i­ty is what I need to heal prop­er­ly. Orange and pink togeth­er make the les­bian flag, which sym­bol­is­es how safe and valid I feel in my iden­ti­ty. The blue tones sym­bol­ise my abuser, because the mem­o­ry of his hands on me is slow­ly fad­ing into the back­ground, just like his filth is slow­ly leav­ing my body like poi­son from a wound.”