TOPICAL DIS/ORDER, PHOTOGRAPHY, POETRY
Snkllr
by MERCY FERRARS

09/10/2022
Mercy Ferrars has created a photography series based on photographs she took of a selection of Berlin buildings: the design offices located in Europacity, the futurium—”House of the Future”—and the Dutch Embassy to name a few. She distorted them into a photo series speaking of symmetry and form. Included is a poem she wrote on the loss of a sun, which will be part of her 2022 release Death of a Sun.
Snkllr Pt II
You were another sun I burnt,
my favourite dead star.
I had always looked at you with the fondness
of the moon awaiting daybreak,
a means to end the darkness
before it collapsed, ripping apart the earth,
and left the moon without light or home.

And the cosmos filled with the particles
of what couldn’t live on or vaporised as it awoke.
I burnt my favourite sun and placed it
on a shelf with all the others.
This one never pulverised into ashes and I never forgot its name.
This one watched me disappear and reappear until
my skin was so thin
my insides shone through.
This one lit up one dark night six cycles post destruction
and it knew all the right words
to make my heart bleed the truth.

Of how I can’t explain why you were the only one who
has touched me like this without ever touching me.
And of how the pain ran so deep,
knowing we were tides,
condemned to kiss the coast in turns.
Our desire from afar bound tightly in a logic
that drove us apart
always asynchronously feeding into purposeful dreams.

What if you had never been a sun but I had always been the moon?
The day I stood by the ocean I could feel you breathe just at the horizon.
I could always feel you close.
I had always kept up the imagination of
dreaming of you in all the colours and all the places.
This was my ocean, I held it in the palm of my hands for you to see.
As the flood rushed salt water towards me, part of me
had always imagined you to be standing there just across the water.
I felt you close when the sun fell and dawn set over my ocean,
knowing it would rise for yours soon.

I knew the danger of suns and the
susceptibility of the moon,
eagerly awaiting the caress of light on its
brittle skin.
Part of me knew it was impossible to come close.
Just this one time I wish I didn’t need the fire because
the sky is dark around me already.

Snkllr will be published in Death of a Sun, a poetry anthology released in fall 2022. More information on www.mercyferrars.de and on Instagram (@snkllrpublications).
Mercy Ferrars is a writer and photographer based in Berlin. She is madly in love with Scotland, dogs and Bojack Horseman.